I Get Schooled: "Only Sophisticated Fiscal Fellows Follow Rahm"

Cultivated and percipient 19th Ward voter Chapin " The Lute" Craven* took especial umbrage when I offered my choice for Mayor - Jesus Chuy Gracia.

This, in sum, to the very best of my memory, were The Lute's views on my vote.

" You must be @#$%ing stupid, or some kind Tea Party thug. How can you call yourself a Democrat. You're full of $hit. I read you stupid crap about how you love Sarah Palin and hate Obama, because he happens to be a black man and you can not stand the simple truth that he won and he is in the White House to stay.

Rahm is the only choice we have and you hate Rahm because he is 'this' close to President Obama. You want Illinois to be like Detroit, Wisconsin with Scott Walker. How you like Rauner? Yeah. Idiots like you put him there. You want Chuy because you think he will destroy unions.

Rahm loves unions. Rahm hates the Tea Party and that is why he is taking money awy from Tea Party creeps like you and putting it into his own Campaign - redistribution of wealth, baby.  It's here and you can't handle it!

Chuy's nuts! He's not sophisticated, A$$hole; do you grasp that? Fiscal sophistication -understand?

All you know is hate. Hate for Obama! Hate for Col. er . . .African Americans!  Hate for Q . . .Marriage Equality! Haters gonna hate. You hate Rahm. Why? Jew? You and your hero Bibi - haters.

Chuy is going to turn Illinois into a border town, @#$er! That's right!  The Latino vote that is not mobbed up will vote for Rahm Emanuel.  You and Tea Party Chuy want a low turnout again.   @#$% You! That's right @#$% You! . . . Hey, can hold a couple of dollars, until I get my disability check."

Can't argue with that. Lute.

*Chapin " The Lute" Craven, 58, of Beverly  was a middle school science teacher in Glenwood, IL, and  applied for disability in 2003 due to "prolonged stress and chronic back pain," Illinois Attorney Genera Lisa Madiganl's Office has taken a special interest in Mr. Craven and recently said, "Mr. Craven  might be in violation of Illinois laws and statutes concerning vocational disability.  :Lute's disability  application was approved in 2004.

Since that time, he has received $245,130 in monthly disability payments, even though he was allegedly working as a full-time teacher in Beecher, IL began working as a substitute in Whiting, IN before filing his disability application, authorities said, and continued until 2010, when he accepted the full-time job, which he continues to hold.
Lute is active in Medieval String Club of Beverly Unitarian Church and featured artist on the sidewalk between Claremont and Western Avenue at 110th Street most Saturdays and Sundays. A vegetarian and activist Lute reads the New York Times, watches only Public Television and likes Carol Marin but would never think of dating her.
Mr. Craven is a confirmed bachleor and resides near the Metra .

Leo Alumni Meeting at Father Perez Knights of Columbus Hall in Mount Greenood

Every third Wednesday of the month, the Old Lions roar, buck up for a kid in need, chart new speedlanes to help the school that had a hand in helping their parents form their lives and plan the annual banquet, decal drive and the golf outing.

These meetings tale place at the venerable Father Perez Knights of Columbus Hall. Father Perez is located at 422 W 111th St, Chicago, IL . In my youth the Knights met at a hall at 84th & Ashland and that was the site where young guys joined 16" softball teams, bowling leagues and waited to come of age Catholic gentlemen.The value imparted in home, reinforced in the parishes and the high schools of the south side were honed like a great set of Swiss knives.  The KCs actively sought out the means and manpower to protect the unborn, help struggling families through acts of charity and encourage Catholic worship - 'Hey, spend more time with you wife an kids, a little less at the Sea Breeze lounge and here and get to Mass, Hickey, you're a mess.'

Our Church was the stronger because of the Knights, in my opinion. Today, fewer young people get active and that is a shame.

The Father Perez Council seems to be more vital than many other benevolent associations, including other KC Councils. The Knights at Perez have long made their facility open to the Leo Alumni Association.

The meetings of the Alumni Association always begin with the sad litany of recently departed Leo Men, followed by prayers.  President Larry Lynch took over duties from Dan Stecich in February and the transition is smoother than an Ed Joyce '70 pick up line at Leo Dance in the Sixties.  Ed was slicker than snot on a doorknob - still is.

The Minuets of the previous meeting is called for a vote and after the more veteran Alums like President Emeritus Rich Furlong, Don Hogan, or Bob Sigel ask for clarity on a statement or typo.  The minuets are approved and seconded - always by Jack Benedek '67.

Leo High School, represented by President McGrath, VP Mike Holmes, or yours truly, reports on the activities at the school. Last night, I requested some immediate help for a Leo senior whose mother had just been laid off, passed my Irish Shandon cap, which was much too shallow, transfered the cash to a larger vessel and counted several hundred dollars, which President will give to the boy's mother today.

My report included

• Senior college acceptances - every graduating senior has been accepted to solid colleges including teh United States Coast Guard Academy, Loyola, St. Joe's in  Rensselaer, Northern Illinois, University of Illinois & etc.
• Leo chess team captain and Catholic League Champion Dexter Dale honored at City Hall
• Big Shoulders Fund lend a shoulder day with 80 Price Waterhouse interns
• Loyola University Aruppe College two year program
• St. Patricks Day March
• Chicago Blackhawks visit to Leo
• Q & A on plans for the future

The questions are always of the  " How can we help?" variety.

President Larry Lynch calls for a report from the various commitees taskled with selling tables or tickets for events.  Then we close with a prayer and "The Bar is Open!"

The Alumni always have hot trays loaded with good eatin' treats - last night was Italian Beef and St. Joseph sweets table.

God Bless all Knights and every Leo Man!

Chicago Police My Favorite Variety of Human Beings

This past Sunday was  the South Side Irish Parade.  I attend Mass at a cousin's house in Beverly before the step-off as has been the Hickey Family custom from earliest days of parade's history. Mass is always followed by a magnificent Irish Breakfast and a tribal jaw-fest.  This year I had an appointment in suburban Oak Park and pulled " a Murphy" at Communion.   I had parked my car strategically at 99th & Oakley for an easy egress to the Dan Ryan.  As is my custom, I gabbed with the people working to make the parade a success.  I met two young CPD Heroes on east side of Western Avenue. They said it was their first South Side Irish detail and wanted to know a good place to eat. I ponted out Fox's Beverly Pub and assured them of a fine feed and a most attentive staff of Friends of The Blue.

Down the street across from Tom Gibbons' Town Liquors. I had the pleasure of these three sons of Chicago's Northside One a Luther North Alum, another a St. Pat's graduate and third young guy the tallest of the three a CPS scion of Sullivan High School.  I toldthis trio of heroes that I get a store of great yarns and jokes from the Homicide Detectives who live near me and wanted to return the favor. 

Mike Houlihan, a guy named Brian and Pulitzer Prize winning Chicago Tribune writer Bill Crawford

I told them a yarn picked up from Chicago's Rennaissance Man - Film Maker, radio host, author and with Michael Houlihan

" A very troubled man went to his doctor and told him ' Doc, I think I am losing my mind.  My boss told me to get help.

The man with the caduceus gave him a look of genuine concern and asked, 'What's the problem, Sport?'

' Doc, for no good reason I blurt out WHAT"S NEW PUSSYCAT?'  I was in a meeting of mortgage brokers last week and while I reported on quartley home sales in Indiana . . .I  bluted out again WHAT"S NEW PUSSYCAT? My boss said I'm Losing my mind. Tell me, Doc, what is going on with me.'

The Son of Hermes, Mr. MD, smilked knowingly and replied 'You have what we in the medical profession call Tom Jones Syndrome.'

The worried man seemed assured somehow, ' Is that pretty common.'

The doctor shouted ' IT"S NOT UNUSUAL!'

The cops loved it.  I love cops.

Rahm's Fiscal Plan? No There There - except sell-offs, sell-outs and Career Grifter Cellulite

The Rahm Campaign demands, demands I tell you, that Commissioner Jesus "Chuy" Garcia explain why he has yet to deliver an Iron-Clad Fiscal Plan to dig Chicago out of mess created by decades of Daley and only four years of Rahm Emanuel free-booting.

The only plan Rahm Emanuel has is to sell off any asset, unlooted by Daley like the public lands owned by the Chicago Parks District for President Bro-hugs and the midget who made Star Wars.  Add that huge property tax increases, more Red Light Cameras, highter water rates and the systematic privatization of City Departments - out sourcing and smart sizing.

Rahm is a tough guy who makes the tough choices. Okay.

Rahm is also a misanthropic dismissive little prique.

I have met the man and like the President he once served, I am thoroughly repulsed by him, but never disappointed.

Here is Rahm's Fiscal Finesse Writ Public.

• Find better ways of providing government services. We will continue to ask a fundamental question about every service we provide: are we providing it for the most competitive cost, or can we improve the way we deliver it? We used this approach to cut the City’s structural deficit in half since 2011. We took the politics out of garbage pick up, saving $17 million a year, and saved more than $75 million by reducing senior management positions, merging city departments, canceling unnecessary leases, and improving coordination between our infrastructure departments. Rahm will seek additional savings through consolidating services like information technology, procurement, and facilities management in one place, eliminating the need for those services to exist at sister agencies. This reform alone could save at least $20 million for the city and sister agencies. ( Streets and Sanitation is toast!  Rahm will privatize the police and fire departments as well) 
• 
  
• Control the cost of health care. Another example of Rahm’s collaboration with labor has been in his efforts to reduce the cost of healthcare. The reforms we have made to our health care for workers has improved health outcomes and saved taxpayers millions of dollars. Our wellness program focused on preventative screening and healthy lifestyle choices, and has enrolled more than 40,000 city workers. Our reforms to the retiree health system protects the most vulnerable, moves retirees to the health care exchanges with a variety of benefit structures, while producing a total of $100 million in annual savings – including an additional $25 million next year alone.
• End the inequitable teacher pension funding formula. The current reform structure passed for downstate and suburban teachers will save the City of Chicago hundreds of millions each year if applied to our funds. But that will only get us part of the way there. Rahm will also fight to end an unfair system that forces Chicago taxpayers to pay twice for teacher pensions – once for Chicago educators and a second time for suburban and downstate teachers. Local taxpayers should not be subsidizing pensions for teachers in Naperville, Winnetka, Peoria and Decatur. Fixing this inequitable mandate would further reduce our obligations to our teachers’ pension fund by $500 million ( More Charters, No Catholic Schools and Teachers Get What They Can!)

• Ensure Chicago gets its fair share from closing of State tax loopholes. We will work with our partners in Springfield to close loopholes and dedicate a significant portion of the additional hundreds of millions in revenue to shore up pensions. For example, dozens of professional services are exempt from the sales tax, meaning working families pay a tax of nearly 10% on food, clothes, and other basics while those who hire attorneys, accountants, and advertising consultants pay none. Similarly, satellite broadcasters and internet retailers have a competitive advantage compared to cable companies and brick and mortar retailers because they pay less in taxes. As the state closes these loopholes, we will ensure Chicago gets its fair share.(Bruce Will Be Loose, If Rahm Wahns Some Gelt!)
• 
  
• Continue active surplus strategy of Tax Increment Finance (TIF) funds. Early in the first term, Rahm established the city’s first-ever TIF surplus policy through Executive Order to formalize and expand the practice of declaring a TIF surplus. The policy requires the declaration of a surplus in TIF districts that are older than three years, were not created for single redevelopment projects, are not transferring funds to other TIF districts to pay legacy school debt service costs, and have a balance of at least $1 million. The amount of the surplus is at least 25 percent of the available cash balance in the TIF. As part of a reform agreement, half of that surplus could be dedicated to pension funding. ( Ask Mike Quigley for Entree!  He Hates TIFs only when talking to Mark Brown) 
• 
  
• Explore non-tax revenue options. We will continue to fight for an increased share of Local Government Distributive Share funding, with any additional revenue dedicated to paying down debt, pension obligations and other long-term liabilities. A gaming proposal, similar to the one Rahm passed in 2013, would attract revenue that currently goes to northwest Indiana by creating a publicly-owned casino in Chicago ( Red Light District Coming Back to the Levee!)
• 
  
• We would also work to continue reforming the worker compensation system to save taxpayer dollars that can be dedicated to pension obligations. (How's that for Passive Agresive Voice?)

• Ensure property taxes are a last resort, and protect those struggling to make ends meet.Stabilizing our finances and securing the retirement security of our workers will require us to look to a broad mix of potential revenue sources, but a property tax increase is the very last place Rahm will look to help right the city’s financial ship. The fact is, without any real reforms, relying on taxpayers to foot the entire bill for pensions only makes a property tax increase more likely. And as it stands, without reform a property tax increase will be required in order to make the state-mandated payments Rahm’s administration inherited unless the law is reformed. If a property tax is ultimately necessary in order to save our pension funds even after implementing the reform and revenue framework outlined above, then Rahm ensure that working and low- and middle-income families do not bear the brunt of an increase. There are a number of ways to achieve this, like increasing the homeowner exemption, which hasn’t increased since 2003, and the preservation of the senior freeze.( Tough Talk from a Tough Guy!  You Want Water or Cholera ? Take Your Choice.)

. . . " then Rahm ensure that working and low- and middle-income families do not bear the brunt of an increase.  Now, I make typos, all the time, but do so at no cost to you and especially no cost to John Q. Public.  This is an exact past-up of Rahm Campaign brag points. Then Rahm Ensure, Then Rahm Ensure . . .no big deal, as they say.  

BOLD PARENTHETICALS MY OWN,BOLD OUT OF THE PARENTHESIS ARE RAHM's,  because Rahm is trying to bully voters and convice people that he is the only Choice.  I am underwhelmed, Sneedless to say.

Choose Chuy. He is no bully. 

Just a Note to Mary Schmich - No Arrrests At the South Side Irish Parade

Leo Man marches with Big Shoulders Fund at the downtown St. Patrick's Parade.

Mary Schmich wrote a snotty and unnecessary column about St. Patrick's Day celebrations.

The Irish and Catholics in general are last ethnic joke-stereotypes available to faux wits in the media.

I penned a snotty, but most essential blog post in the response to a media person who gets a universal free pass on such nonsense as her column, because of her Progressive pedigree.

By way of courtesy, I offer this report that the south side Irish Parade was arrest free, even though it was very political: Rauner was heckled, Rahm was hectored and Chuy was  cheered.

 The South Side Irish Parade continued the St. Patrick's Day weekend celebrations Sunday by adding a third year to its zero-arrests record.
The annual event, which takes place in the Beverly neighborhood on the Far South Side, used to be known for its rowdiness, public drunkenness and high number of arrests. Parade organizers and Chicago Police cracked down on the mayhem in 2012 with a "zero tolerance" policy on alcohol, and the event has enjoyed zero arrests ever since.(emphsis my own)

No arrests.  At the downtown parade, I saw no bad behavior and the parade route was booze free. I saw drinking on the side streets, but no bacchanal. 

The Chicago " Dewey Wins" Tribune Pulls the Trigger without Loading It's Rahm 9mm

You can't beat The Chicago Tribune - it would be a hate crime, like beating on a slow witted six-year old who just does not like À la Recherche du temps Perdu.  What?  Who doesn't prefer Proust to a bigg-ass wad of cotton candy? Not Bruce Dold.

You ( Mr. & Mrs. Chicago)  knew it would come, everybody knew it would come: How can City Hall make a mandatory $550 million payment to police and fire pension funds? Sure enough, kaboom, first question. What followed was Monday evening's mayoral debate, reduced to its essence:
Mayor Rahm Emanuel's staccato recipe for fixing City Hall's pension crisis leapt from higher employee contributions to a broader-based sales tax, to a city-run casino, to TIF surpluses. He concluded with an overarching rationale: Financial stability will give people "the confidence to bring jobs and people back to Chicago." Not every Chicagoan is jake with all that, but it's a responsible answer that gores several sacred oxen.
And Cook County Commissioner Jesus "Chuy" Garcia? The first words from his mouth: "It depends." Because his team has to "open up the books to understand what the real finances of the city are." Garcia didn't answer the question but did get in an off-topic jab about Emanuel subsidizing rich people.
OK, we thought, he'll find his footing. Soon came a question many Chicagoans ask: Property tax increase. Discuss.( parnthetical my own) 

Whar's to discus?  If wanted to be told what to think, I'd ask people with Rahm lawnsigns.  I was talked to to on parade day and told that Chuy Garcia has no fiscal finesse.

Rahm has fiscal finesse?

" Oh, @#$% you, Hickey.  You voted for McCain and Pailin."

Can't argue that.

I never tell anyone whom to vote for, when asked I'll say, " I like Sarah Palin."

"How can you she's and idiot. Didn't you see Game Changer on HBO?"

Matter of fact I did and I also caught the 1940 masterpiece Der ewige Jude at an art house revival.  Matter of fact, I saw the Chicagoland series on CNN and found it comparable to the 1935 epic Triumph des Willens.  We need a strong man.

So, Chuy lost the debate that I watched last night.

The Chicago Tribune editorial again tells Chicagoans what they want and they obviously want a 9.5 fingered misanthropic sububarnite to make hard the choices, like making kindergarten kids endure longer hours of training necessary to become John Dewey robots by third grade.

Chicagoans lust for the strong personality needed to amass millions of Hollywood and Wall Street dollars necessary to make helot's water bill jump in cost by 86%.

Financial stability means taking public lands from the parks and giving them to a bunch of Hyde Park grifters so that Barack Obama Presidential Library will not require that Barack and Michele Obama crack their wallets to finance it, like Mrs. Reagan and Mrs. Ford.

Bruce Dold mocks Chuy's response to the little strongman's fiscal platitudes.  Chuy replied, "You cannot move forward until you show the taxpayers of Chicago where the money is going."

Ouch. A second admission from Garcia that, nearly five months into his campaign for mayor, he doesn't talk even to the nearest billion about City Hall finances. The closest he got was a shot at Emanuel for failing to get Chicago's house in order, and "now talking in a sophisticated way about how he's going to do it." The obligatory next line — Here's how I'm going to do it — never arrived.

Bill Murray-style book editorial scribbling aside, this Well-Poisoning 101, which is an Honors Course at the Dave Axelrod Harris School of Political Bludgeoning.  Bruce Dold must be auditing that class.

Rahm was not told any of us 'How he plans to save us.'   Rahm will loot whatever city assest remain, ala Richie Daley. He will balloon any and all city taxes.  He will strip essential 1st Responder services to the bone.  He will out source the Department of Streets and Sanitation ( my prediction 2016) and work on doing the same to the cops and fireman. He will pander and propagandize through the Chicago Media.

Voters know that.  Some voters are for Rahm, fiercely for Rahm, loudly for Rahm, powerfully for Rahm. That's fine, for them. I appreciate their candor and devotion.  Rahm voters are fine with the way things are and hope to do even better for themselves if Chuy loses on April 7th.  They are good people and they tell you loudly and with pride " I'm with Rahm!"

I am not.  I had anough of Rahm Emanuel, when he was glued to Richie Daley by the Stepan Family in the 1980's when Richie ran for States Attorney.  I've had enough and I am even siding with SEIU, Jesse Sharkey of CTU and Ricardo Munoz for Chrissakes.  Mike Klonsky is a Chuyista and so am I.

I had enough.  I am voting for Chuy Garcia for Mayor of Chicago.

St. Patrick, Shield Me " Against the Heart's Idolatry"

St. Patrick's Breastplate is the name given to a litany composed by the saint. The significant human verses beg Christ to shield us.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.
Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.
Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

If you lack demons, well you just aren't Irish.  You just aren't a flawed, or, like me, deeply flawed human being.

My favorite verse begs protection against " the heart's idolatry."

That is a good one.  The heart can be a human warehouse of flaws, as well as the store of best in men and women -compassion, loyalty, honor, piety, dignity and courage.  The heart can also be an emporium of regret, pride, anger, lust and gluttony.  The self-medication first aid kits we turn to in times of doubt.

Idolatry comes in many forms - self-worship, mistaking good for gold, pleasure as liturgy.

St. Patrick was a guy who woke up to himself after decades of sin and it took boatloads of Scotii ( Irish sea-pirates) who snatched him from a life of comfort and dragged him into slavery.

I am still an idolator and want to quit the club.

St. Patrick shield me the idolatries in my heart.

I Believe in Neighborhood People and Not Polls Conducted By and For Pols Who Don't Care About People

Polls are conducted by 'scientists' - rather number crunching hired guns.

The Chicago Tribune conducted a poll that give Rahm Emanuel a 12 point lead over the winner of the April 7th 2015 Mayoral Election, Jesus "Chuy" Garcia.

Polls, are said to be random samplings taken from snatches of would be voters.

Okay.

If I conducted a random sampling of people with whom I come in contact with everyday, you see a diverse cross-section of Chicago demographics.

I start my day at Dunkin Donuts located near my house and operated by a gentleman from Morocco and staffed by a lovely couple from Bangladesh and a gorgeous graduate student from India. The manager lives on 103rd just west of Western Avenue in what most people call St. John Fisher parish.  The manager is Muslim. He is voting for Chuy.

The couple who work with Kareem live in Homer Glen and can not vote in the City election - they are Hindi

The young graduate student lives on Walden Drive in Beverly and is Muslim as well. She has not registered to vote.

Of the this random sampling of persons - Chuy Garcia has 100% of the vote.

Polls.

Now, let's talk people.  I work in Auburn Gresham at 79th & Sangamon in Chicago's 17th Ward.  Guess what?  Rahm's and Father Pfleger's hand-picked candidate of Alderman was beaten by David Moore.

David Moore was told to back Rahm, or else.  David Moore told the messengers to go pound sand, some other similar message. Looks like Alderman David Moore is an independent voice.  An African American Alderman in Ward 17 goes off the Pfleger P . . .Reservation.  Chuy?  I'd say so, but that is not very scientific.  I know the man who helped David Moore win the aldermanic and he is also instrumental in helping Chuy Garcia take the 5th Floor.

I live south of 103rd Street and west of Western Ave. and our homes are somewhat modest and match our incomes ( usually two incomes as Mom and Dad both work).  East of Western around 103rd Street sit pricier big bunglow's for families earning bigger incomes.

Of my neighbors, thick with public pensions and long association with the Chicago, Cook County and State Democratic Organizations there is great distrust of Rahm Emanuel and Governor Rauner.  Tough times and a tougher vote.  From chats with my 19th Ward neighbors ( firemen, cops, CPS teachers, skilled tradesmen, City, County and State office workers), we won't see a sea of red, white and blue Chuy signs on lawns, but we should see my precinct (23rd, 19th Ward) go for Chuy.  Raised ranch and Georgian dwellers, as well as modest apartment dwellers all.

West of the cemetaries sits Mount Greenwood and that will go overwhelmingly for Chuy.

The precinct immediately to the east of Western Avernue and hugging 103rd Street will go again for Rahm.

There are many families in that precinct with 'this close' ties to City, County and State Demographic power-that-be as well as some heavier than whale poop lobbyists living in the bungalows - like Rahm, or not, they will go with the current flow.

Like my Dunkin Donuts poll, very unscientific and all too human.  I see the 19th Ward, like the 17th Ward shifting away from Rahm.

In the end, Chuy will beat Rahm by a whisker, but whisker is all it takes, Rahm will need to do a Deb Mell to win.  That might fly in the 39th Ward of Blagostahn, but no way city wide.

The Tribune, the Big Cat money bags, the Progressives and the academics want Rahm on Five, they need Rahm on Five.  They can't handle the truth.

The truth is that Chicago is about to redeem itself from decades laissez fair civics and lazy-ass voting.

Basta Rahm!  Enough Rahm, Daley, Durbin, Mell, Quinn, Rauner, Marque Kirque Chicago!

Viva Chuy and Chicago might live again.

On PBS -Reading is Fun With Errol Flynn -'Well, Sport, Here is One About Hillary Clinton and a Duck!'

Hello, Little Sports!  I'm your Old Uncle Errol here to bring to life words and punctuation to delight even the grumpiest little truant among you to love the written word.

As I told Big Boy Guinn and Alan Hale in every Warner Brothers Adventure - 'Boys, words matter . . .sure the get-ups are nice and Olivia was never lovelier, but it is the words that make the story.

Now, gather round my Elfin Chums . . .and try not to eat those, Young Michael Houlihan! . . .no, they're not real fruit . . .we call them props, here, around the lot . . .get comfortable Ladies and Squires . . .that's it!

Now, here is a story about young lad in Tasmania. That's an island south of the OZ the land down under the Southern Cross . . .Australia Mates!  This lad was asked to do chores . . .even if the chores are just a might too . . . well, give a listen!

“All I had to do was stick my face into this gruesome mess and bite off the young sheep's testicles. Dag a hogget. I had good teeth. I put my nose into this awful-smelling mess, my teeth solidly around the balls of the six-month-old sheep, and took a bite while I held him upside down. My nose was in fur and ordure. I bit and spat out the product into a pile of what they called prairie oysters. We have them in America too: delicious to eat, but not delicious to remove. They said this was the most sanitary way to de-ball a sheep. After I was done, I passed the sheep onto the next man, who put a little coal tar on the same spot for purposes of cleansing and closing up the wound.  The sheep never let out a bleat.. . .”  

Where has the time gone? You see, Young Michael?  It's wax fruit . . .now, try and learn from that unpleasantness, Old Sport.

That's about all for today, My Hearties!  Next time Uncle Errol will tell you about the time he met this beautiful young girl . . .she looked all of twenty . . . well, Until that Time, People of Sherwood!

Reading is Fun with Errol Flynn was presented on PBS in part with grant from Planned Parenthood and the Council of Questionable Living 

Mary Schmich, Trib Pulitzer Winner and Irish Bigot Has Advice for Your Breeder Micks

 

For distinguished commentary, using any available journalistic tool Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).
Awarded to Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune for her wide range of down-to-earth columns that reflect the character and capture the culture of her famed city. Pulitzer Citation 2012

Well, you know the Irish and those who emulate them on St. Patrick's Day, are all ignorant beer swilling sots. My Gawd, all they do is swill beer, beat black children, breed and whine about Catholic school tuition for their spawn. Homophobic priest pawns is all they are, Don't you think?

Don't You? Mary Schmich certainly does and wants you to know it!

Mary Schmich won the Pulitzer Prize for Journalism a few years ago, 'because she is just such an authentic Chicago voice' in much the same manner that Rahm Emanuel was an authentic Chicago Resident before the Burt Odelson challenge.

Well Ms Schmich has the prize and Rahm the fifth floor and St. Parick's Day gets two parades preceding the Feast of Saint Patrick on Wednesday March 17th.

Some years ago, the south side Irish called a halt to its parade, which I thought was foolish, due to the fact that the drunken brawlers were those persons who boarded buses from fern bars on the northside and JJJ MC Whatever's in Schuamberg and celebrated the Catholic saint by defecating an urinating on lawns, in gangways and in full view of little kids and then engage in brawls with home owners in the Beverly, Morgan Park and Mount Greenwood neighborhhoods - home to Catholic breeders.

Instead, the Parade should have equaled the Dioynsian celebrations enjoyed on Gay Pride Parade -unchecked, unabted and uncriticized, but every bit as 'extreme' as any south side Irish Parade I have eve witnessed ( 1950's-Present)




Note the depravity absent in both, Mary Schmich.

We shut down the South Side Parade and I think it was a bad idea and sent exactly the message bigots love -Drunks and pigs.

Organizers might have limited fern bar buses to 83rd & Western, asked the Corinthian revelers to discard any and all booze and enjoy a vigorous up-hill jaunt to the parade start at 103rd & Western.  What do I know?  It might have caused some uncomfortable socio-political feathers to wilt, or some extra manpower from Daley/Rahm City Hall.

The South Side Irish Parade is the only self-enforced zero-tolerance no booze event in this bullshit addicted city.

Downtown?  There's beer cans and hip-flasks aplenty.  Yet, a minimum of violence and no deaths. The south side Parade is as WCTU as any bull dyke reformer of the 19th Century could demand and almost as dignified as Swedish Day.

That said, Catholics and especially Irish Catholics remain the only punchline available for unchecked PC scolds, like Mary Schmich. Here is Pulitzer worthy prose?

 The annual drunkfest known as St. Patrick's Day is coming soon to a Chicago street near you.
If you're not eager to be blotto by 11 a.m. Saturday, if you don't like mobs, brawls and people puking on the sidewalk, you may as well hide at home with Netflix until the middle of next week.
Did someone say "party pooper"?
Did someone say "old fart"?
Aye, lads and lassies, drunken name-calling is a time-honored St. Paddy's Day tradition. 

Eric Zorn the pencil neck geek pen pal of Mary Schmich might scold me -"Ha'e you no sense of Humor?"

Yes, I might reply, when something has wit and is not cheap and cowardly shot at people who are pretty damn tolerant for all of their history and the crap tossed their way.

The Tribune was founded by Joseph Medill who hated Irish Catholics to the very marrow of his being - the culture of the Tribune, which won many honors due to the employment of Irish Catholics, by the way, is exactly the same as it was in 1871.  

Ridicule is only appropriate when it is deserved and should be limited to the powerful.  Mary Schmich is powerful and appropriately deserves 'lashins and lavins' of it. Mary Schmich will not warn us to avoid the St.Joseph's sweets table on March 19th, anymore than tell Chicagoans of all colors to leave the Glock at home on Bud Billiken Day, or to dress with some dignity on Pride Day and remember to wear a condom - we are stronger than AIDS.

Southsiders, Irish and others, are respected and reviled for their frank, heart-on-the-sleeves rejoinders, Mary. Mine sounds like Buck Hugh.