Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Parodies Lost, or Milton in Monee

Outside of Crete- Monee, Illinois is a massive trucker stop and in it long-distance knights of the road can get a shower and meal. A question was posed to the hard-biten by life, 'I have-witnessed it all and change' fry cook and proprietor, Billy Foy.

One Ace of the Highways dropped in and posed playful questions of the onion and spuds chopping master of the house, launched his lanky as he launched his haunches onto to the rotating stool and asked, "Hey! How have you been, Billy Foy, Billy Boy? Hey, How have you been, Smelly Billy?"

Without looking up from his labors, the truck-stop Rick Bayless snorted, " I have been sleeping with your wife, she fills a hole my life, But she's a dumb thing and doesn't  seem to bother."

Unfazed the jimmy engine-braker continued, " Did let she you in house, Billy Foy, Billy Boy? Did she let you in our house, Fetid Billy?"

Flipping the diced Vidalias and Yukons, the Monee mess masher handed back, " She opened her garage, where was parked your vintage Dodge, and we nailed things right on your back-up starter."

The lanky road warrior was abashed, " I'll have the spinach - pie, Billy Foy, Billy boy. I'll have the spinach pie, Mephitic Billy."

With the contempt of Agamemnon for Menelaus, the Cretan cuisinier turned and said, " You'll get better than your wife, there's the door, I gotta knife ( snort) How about Chun King, or the #$%^ing salmon platter."

If this reminds you of anything, it really shouldn't.

Monday, August 31, 2015

We are Officially Returning McKinley Park to It's Native Name and Owners! Mopes

Mopetown* was an old Chicago neighborhood wedged between Bridgeport and McKinley Park - north of Archer and caressing Ashland Avenue.  There was great old saloon that gave me shelter from Chicago weather, when rode the bus to work, or from Loyola back in the late 1960's and early '70's.  The saloon was called McGloins, and now it is the Archer Foot Care: Total Foot and Fungus Treatment Center.

I read where President Obama renamed Mount McKinley.  "Today we’re returning Mount McKinley to its native name - Denali, a step to reflect the heritage of Alaska Natives." He is a Mope!

We?  He's Alexander Sixtus Borgia Hawaiian!

Our preening Progressive Pope will do anything to piss off a large number of people and get away with it for no other reason than . . .  well, he can. I'm surprised he didn't give the whole dman Sarah Palin State back to the Russians, after all they had the initial naming rights to Mount McKinley when Seward cheated the Tzar out of one sweet land scam and he gives Putin anything. The Russkies called Mount McKinley Bolshaya Gora , which translates to Climate Change Big Lie. Now it is the biggest mountain in America is called Denali in Eskimo and translates to Man it's Cold Up Here!!!!!!!!!

In the spirit of America's worst President next to old Gay As Christmas Buck Buchanan, I , meaning we, give McKinley Park back to the The Scolios, the Forrers, the Walshes, the Verdons The Gerrings, the Atkinses, the Starrs and the Polyaks  - the indigenous people who were forced to leave their homes by the State of Illinois, Cook County and City of Chicago so the slowest Expressway in North America could be built and screw up traffic three times a day. 

*The great Anne Keegan wrote about vanishing Mopetown in 1987 and the last house in Mopetown in 1990.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

"Hey, Have You Heard About The Pallium?" Who has not?

That's the pallium! The white thing with crosses around the neck and over the shoulders of Archbishop Blase Cupich, when the pallium was invested recently, after much media attention and breathless anticipation.

Archbishop Blase Cupich has the Pallium. NBC, ABC, WGN and every newspaper (including a very special edition of the Catholic New World ) in Chicago has talked about the pallium conferred upon Chicago's Archbishop by Pope Francis and sent through the Papal Nuncio to Archbishop Blase Cupich.

The Catholic pallium is, according to the Catholic Encyclopedia, ". . .  is a circular band about two inches wide, worn about the neck, breast, and shoulders, and having two pendants, one hanging down in front and one behind. The pendants are about two inches wide and twelve inches long, and are weighted with small pieces of lead covered with black silk. The remainder of the pallium is made of white wool, part of which is supplied by two lambs presented annually as a tax by the Lateran Canons Regular to the Chapter of St. John on the feast of St. Agnes, solemnly blessed on the high altar of that church after the pontifical Mass, and then offered to the pope. The ornamentation of the pallium consists of six small black crosses — one each on the breast and back, one on each shoulder, and one on each pendant. The crosses on the breast, back, and left shoulder are provided with a loop for the reception of a gold pin set with a precious stone. The pallium is worn over the chasuble."

Got that?  It is piece of garment; it is a symbol of a shepherd being a shepherd.

I have been kind of amazed by the news coverage this summer about the pallium. Does an Irish American family in St. Barnabas Parish call the Beverly Review and Can-TV the first time young Eamon, or Mickey dons his first South Side Irish shirt , green Sox Side Irish hat and over-sized  khaki cargo shorts?  Does a De LaSalle Institute lad with bloodlines linking 24th & Oakley to Lucca in Old Tuscany get his folks to rent out Ignotz for a feast and shout to all and sundry that his Pop bought him his first Three-pack of Haines 'Wife Beaters' for summer street wear?  I just don't know.

I have been a Catholic for three score and almost four years and have yet to see the level of news worthy importance placed upon an article of ecclesiastical clothing placed upon the shoulders of an ecclesiastic.

In fact, I do not remember The Eighth Ordianry of Chicago, nor his attendants making much of an issue about the pallium.  Maybe , they did.  Any way the pallium is on the shoulders of Ninth Ordinary and any and all news tangent to being Catholic in Chicago is pallium centered.  Now, even ABC 7's I Team Honcho Chuck Goudie, probably knows what a pallium is all about. By the way, the late Francis Cardinal George, O.M.I. had a pallium and a Red Hat . . .several red hats, but he only seemed to be impressed by the collar he always wore with his black clerical shirt and coat.

I don't know.  I think there might be some things, you know, like all of the things that Francis Cardinal George thought was important, might be newsworthy.  What do I know?

Perhaps, this is signal by the media that there is new age of really good feeling for Catholics, so long as matters of Faith get tucked away. Perhaps.

I know that Archbishop Blase Cupich is wearing the pallium. Cool.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Chicago's Club of the UnClubbable


Above - Mycroft Holmes - Below Mike Houlihan in manly Pre-Labor Day Panama tan suit gives a stern temperance lecture to an obviously clubbable and reed thin chap at a charitable event. Absent from this charitable event were members of Chicago's Union League Club.

Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes, the talented and cerebral sons of Bob and Tess Holmes, coal carters from Yorkshire, remind me of Mike Houlihan: Like Mycroft, Mike Houlihan is cerebral, philosophical and poetic:Mike Houlihan - Author, Actor, Playwright, Film Director, Columnist, Patriot, Wit, Gadabout, Free-Spender, Arch-Goodguy, Pugilist, Censor.

Like Mycroft given to deep thought to the point of ennui:

...he has no ambition and no energy. He will not even go out of his way to verify his own solutions, and would rather be considered wrong than take the trouble to prove himself right. Again and again I have taken a problem to him, and have received an explanation which has afterwards proved to be the correct one. And yet he was absolutely incapable of working out the practical points...

– Sherlock Holmes, speaking of his brother in "The Adventure of the Greek Interpreter"
From our friends at Wikpedia

And yet like Sherlock (- Ratiocinator extraordinaire, dope fiend, tobacconist, actor par excellence, musician, grifter, and wower of hot chicks) a man of the world, .

Houli is a complex man of universal tastes and inclinations - at once private and thoughtful and concurrently a Rabelaisian Rounder of the First Order.

Mike Houlihan,an 18th Century man of Johnsonian ( Samuel Johnson ) exertions and talents trapped in a faux-Edwardian world of stuffed shirts and phonies.

Houli got clubbed by the membership committee of the Union League Club - a dusty and pretentious convention center for low-brows with American Express Gold Cards. He was deemed 'unclubbale' - to use Dr. Johnson's 18th Century coinage. His heartache cried up to dry our eyes from the pulpy pages of Cliff Carlson's Irish American Magazine and made them moist with brotherly understanding - Page 28 - click my post title for the link:

Here is a poignant passage:

Of course I’m happy now that I
couldn’t join their club. Who wants
to go where they’re not wanted? But
these schmucks wouldn’t even put it in
writing, no letter, just the word passed
on to me, “Sorry you’re not our kind
It’s all for the best. I couldn’t afford
it now anyway. However I would suggest
they remove the word “Chicago”
from their moniker at the Union League
Club. As Eddie Vrdolyak once said, “In
Chicago, we don’t stab you in the back,
we stab you in the front!” Well not
these guys.
So I will take pride in their snub and
remember my mother’s words “the bitter
lesson is best taught”. It’s what I got for
sticking my nose into a wasps nest.
Of course I forgive them and even
though I may announce to the world that
the Union League Club can kiss my fat
Irish ass, I’m actually, in my own way,
just turning the other cheek

Christian Gentleman to the backbone!

Houli, My Dear Fellow, a man of your expanded worth should not be confined, much less defined by a membership. You do more in a day than most of the Union League Club's overpaid ambulance chasers in two-tone broadcloth $400 shirts do a lifetime.

Who was it that said 'Study everything; join nothing?'

Mike Houlihan's Giant's eyes take in the cant and hypocrisy of our world right here in Chicago. This man is not Clubbable? Pish Posh!

Houli, enact a Club without Walls; found an Association without a Membership Committee. Make it an open membership to whomever you have the grace with whom you deign to congress.

To the phonies, snobs, louts, boors, tightwads - you might be unclubbable.

Monday, August 24, 2015

The Chicago Tribune's Complete Blackout of Aurora Planned Parenthood Protest is Another Disgrace by Print News

Last Saturday, August 22, 2015, while I was enjoying myself at the Leo High School Black and Orange Football Kickoff, thousands ( yes, that is correct) thousands of good people protested the massive, fortress -like Planned Parenthood facility in Aurora, Illinois.

This Planned Parenthood abortion mill looks like a blockhouse protected by God's seedlings - trees ironically called the 'tree of life' in its Latin cognomen. Now, these are tall poplar type trees.  Ask a Tribune investigative reporter what the actual name of the tree happens to be.  I know, but I'd rather you ask a Tribune story hound.  Warts will vanish quicker than you will get a response.

You, see is a huge story here and the Chicago Tribune editorial board is run by Bruce Dold and Bruce Dold likes to have mealy mouthed politicians think well of him,  Tribune reader be damned.  This story has roots and limbs and all sorts of living and breathing components, just like the human beings that Planned Parenthood slaughters daily,  Bruce Dold wants this story hidden in the Tribune's 'News Womb"' with the factual umbilical snug around the neck.

This protest is linked to the national outrage over the release of the Planned Parenthood videos, but there is so much more going on in Aurora, Illinois local government and its role in doing the bidding of Planned Parenthood.

The Chicago Tribune ignores a hot story about the dicey manner in which Aurora government officials grease the way for this Planned Parenthood Abortion Mill's development an construction.

This Abortion Mill in Aurora is on thin legal ice.

No Tribune ink-slinger will tell you why, because no Tribune ink-slinger will get the task of asking any questions.

I read John Kass on-line and with Face Book.  John Kass is a heroic enemy of the American Holocaust. There are other great sources of accurate information on this national disgrace smeared with political grease paint, just like Ms. Richards and other Prada drapped dowagers of death.

A nurse from Oak Lawn who has had a Terry Cosgrove, Illinois Personal PAC, Dick Durbin and Eric Zorn pinned to her back for decades tells the accurate story. Read Jill Stanek.and turn to the sports coverage in the two rags that pass for Chicago news daily papers.

As to the Sun Times, I read only articles by Dan Mihalopoulos, Tim Novak and the estimable Natasha Korecki and the sports pages.  They stopped being anything other than Cook County PR sheet years ago.

There is a TOTAL news black out of Saturday's Planned Parenthood protest in Aurora. The Chicago Tribune editorial board is so completely wired into the murderous dowagers who support Planned Parenthood ( Personal PAC Illinois) that there is ZERO mention of this protest in Chicago Tribune on line's front page. The myth that the print media is the only 'real news' and that anywhere else one only obtains dubious reports is no longer' a dog that won't hunt' but dog of an idea that is deader than innocents slaughtered by Cecile Richards, Barack Obama, Dick Durbin and the mealy mouthed Tribune's Bruce Dold.

Bruce Dold - at least admit you will never take up the cause of the innocents.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Hackers Reveal Hickey as a Madison Client

 Computer hackers gained access to the entire database of Ashley Madison, a dating website for people who want to have affairs, and posted the names of all 37 million users on the internet. Around 115,000 are reported to be Irish. Irish Examiner

Yes, I have cheated, treated myself in the doing with fine Dolly Madison Products.!  Here's my Peeps!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Check, Please ? I Think Not. The Epic Crime of Dine and Dash Should be on Public Television

We are soooo not paying!

Instead of self-absorbed, affluent and very transient Urban Foodies( Like these mimosa sucking cretins below) and scions of old Kenya who sleep in the White House, Chicago's own public television should produce a show with real bust-outs, louts, rum-pots and deadbeats from the Rainbow of Gender who beat the check. 
I have watched Check, Please on PBS ( WTTW - Wilmette Talking to Winnetka) whenever the paint had dried, or the grass had yet to rise above my thick and manly calf and been thoroughly repulsed by smarmy, self-important, thumb-dummy handlers of I-phones who send back orders and sniff Mogan David and Chateauneuf du Pape with matching contempt and yet complain that " This beer is nowhere near Hoppy Enough!"  Every time I watch PBS programming I get that old feeling. That now is the time for the all-too-human rubber band that holds our sanity together to go boink and then grab the Bowie knife, my sling shot and burlap bag full of ball bearings( I hate guns) and go hunting for Urban Adventurers in Lincoln Park, Lincoln Square and only a small sections of Logan Square and  Hyde Park as well as portions my own neighboring Beverly.  Wicker Park, Ukrainian Village are populated by young, hip and generally cynical young 'uns who can't stand PBS/WTTW either. Closer to home folks in Morgan Park, Mount Greenwood and all of Black Chicago seem populated with patriots and people of prayerful good sense.

I would love to see Dine and Dash Chicago.  Just recently the Northwest Indiana Times reported on a Chicago Cub Jersey festooned . . .(what's the word I am looking for . . .wait, wait; don't tell me) . . .lummox who beat Buffalo Wild Wings of Porter out of a ound personal gorging  and guzzling that totaled a little more than Half a Yard.
PORTAGE | Police are seeking the public's help identifying a suspect in multiple dine-and-dash incidents.
Police on Thursday released a photo of a man they said failed to pay his bill Aug. 13 at Buffalo Wild Wings, 6530 U.S. 6.
Police said he failed to pay for $51.67 worth of food and drinks.
Police said the man in the photo wearing a Cubs jersey has used the name Terry at the restaurant.Anyone with information is asked to contact Detective Cpl. Ted Uzelac at (219) 764-5707.
Imagine, a thirty minutes long weekly docu-drama with real people empaneled to present and discus their experiences of cheating bartenders, waiters, waitresses and restaurant owners out of tips and purchases!

Our host could be a toothsome young gusher from Lincoln Park who would chirp. 'Tonight,  we, . . . Ah,. . . some random, Ah, . . . You now Okay dashers.  Tim originally from MacMansionland Naperville and now stays in McKinley Park will tell us about beating the check at Tufano's Vernon Park Tap.  Tim, you, ah, just got of Ok, . . .Illinois Rehab . . .but had a Um great meal?  Right? "

Tim,  a soul patched and tattooed Occupy Chicago veteran and  hipster living in McKinley Park, because Bridgeport is so 2010, is wearing a colorful and thick Heavy wool Toque and 'I Love Spam' t-shirt under and open flannel ginoormous-checked shirt, replies" It was, So kind.  I started with eight Blue Moons at the bar, 'cuz they make you wait, and I told this old lady that I had stuff to do later and she was all like 'Sinatra waits; you wait.' whatever and this random guy like a cop says to mind my manners or he'll give a slap and I'm like 'that's harsh!' So, then the old lady says, I can sit done, but I've had seven Blue Moons and I said - "Hey I'm enjoying my cocktails." The cop-like guy, probably from Homan Square and up for going all Burge and Gitmo on me gets up and I'm like 'Okay!'  So, I get a table near these breeders and their kids which is cool, because it's always better to have a crowded place to beat the check and I get another old lady who says 'What can I get you?' and I'm like '2016 Pitchfork Passes, Granma!'  Not cool I guess but I order a bottle of Layer Cake Primitevo and the fried calamari, two orders of pizza bread and salad. Then I got the Tufano's Lemon Chicken and potatoes. Now, I'm stuffed and buzzed.  I got cannoli to go. Now, this is sweet.  I get up and pretend to go to the toilet and stand there like some old dude is like still in there and so I go stand next to cop guy at the bar, like I'm interested in the sports game hockey, or something and wave to an imaginary guy I know near the door and shout, " Dude! This place is Sweet!' and act like I'm going to shake his hand and then out the door.

Chirpy, the half-wit daughter of an Obama bundler from Evanston, squeals, " Sweet! What a total scam.  But tell us what followed."

Tim, feigns bashful, " This  huge dude parking cars grabs me and tosses me in the street and shouts that I'm like lucky this neighborhood gentrified, cuz if it had been twenty years ago at The Sisters, or the Nut House I 'd be in a sewer in pieces and then he gets all harsh-up on me and then I'm like in Illinois Rehab and a dude from Peoples Law Office files a wrongful beat-down suit against them and tells me I should score big when they get the right judge. Whatever."

Yep, that would be sweet and so 2015 Chicago.

The next guests - Alderman Proco Joe Moreno and CPS CEO Forrest Claypool.